my awakening consciousness

recognitive revelation

Filed under: daylilies — waterlily at 3:53 pm on Tuesday, June 3, 2008

i wasn’t even actively seeking the answer when i found it. i’d seen it before, even thought about it. in an act that only reinforces the validity of it, i dismissed it. pointedly thought about something else. that’s what i do. i did this a few times over these last few months. then one day, i suppose my psyche was finally ready, receptive. and there it was, in front of me again. asperger’s syndrome. that’s me. that’s so EXACTLY me!! i knew it. know it. in my bones, in my gut, in my heart and soul. it’s so clear and it explains every last weird-ass, dysfunctional second of my life. since the moment of revelation, i’ve taken several tests, and reached out to people, and all indications are that my feeling is right on the money. as it turns out, i am not a piece of garbage. maybe one day i will really believe the words.