my awakening consciousness

this and that

Filed under: daylilies — waterlily at 8:21 pm on Wednesday, April 23, 2008

i think i’ve become indifferent to terrifying situations. it’s like i lived so many months in a state of constant sustained terror, panic and grinding anxiety that numbness finally set in, and it’s still here. i don’t worry about stuff i can’t control like the serenity prayer says, but the problem is i can’t control anything and i don’t know what i’m worried about….it feels like the world is about to end anyway so it doesn’t really matter if i’m homeless next month or next year. and then the next minute i feel life is too harsh and cruel to take because my vacuum cleaner broke, WE are broke and we have two cats and the disgusting carpet filth and massive accumulation of cat hair is going to kill us. my hubby recently escaped cancer just to be destroyed by a giant mutant hairball. yeah, that sounds about right.

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