my awakening consciousness

seems like a lifetime ago

Filed under: daylilies — waterlily at 6:00 pm on Wednesday, April 9, 2008

i can’t believe it’s been five weeks since my last post….only five. five loooooong, eternal weeks. time is so weird the way it stretches and implodes seemingly at once. with all the stuff happening and not happening in my life, i feel absolutely paralyzed. as if it doesn’t matter what i do or don’t do, as if i have no choice but to sit and wait for stuff to happen, let other people’s schedules and whims and whatnot determine my fate. i just feel very detached, not connected with humanity in any way. some of that’s by choice; i’ve been copping quite an attitude against humanity lately. certain life experiences have made this inevitable i guess, but it doesn’t always have to be this way now that i understand where it comes from. that’s all for today. kind of a blah post, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.; if i’m going to write every day, or at least more often, i’ve got to accept that things are going to be mundane at times. or ugly. or boring. or scary. or just plain ordinary. that’s me; that’s life.

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