my awakening consciousness

just a bunch of stuff

Filed under: daylilies — waterlily at 8:15 pm on Thursday, February 7, 2008

well i finally scraped enough together to get my lexapro online. it seems to be the only thing that works for me. a commercial enterprise halfway around the planet is more reliable in getting me the psychiatric meds i need to stay alive than all our government agencies combined. (nothing plus nothing does come to nothing!) what a bunch of useless pustules. no one wants to help, everyone wants to judge. hubby had surgery friday and thank god, came through this one alright. he needs total care and i’m fighting to keep it together from one minute to the next. i want to be strong for him now. i have to be. yet i feel scared, sad and alone. thank god for our one good friend, who is helping us with the transportation to and from the hospital without making us feel like sorry excuses for human beings just because we need help; it’s actual help, not the venomous, self-righteous crap some people offer just to ease their own conscience. tomorrow we spend four hours on buses to get to the follow-up visit and get lab results. please let it be good news. friday is another surgery. we’re both scared. i’m exhausted, feel like i have failed everyone and oddly, like everyone has failed me. i don’t even understand my own feelings these days.

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