my awakening consciousness

evicting the mind police

Filed under: daylilies — waterlily at 7:33 pm on Sunday, January 27, 2008

i wish it were possible to legally pursue the party responsible for installing my mind gestapo in the first place. i mean forty seven years of back rent has to add up to some real moolah, does it not? not to mention the damages for trashing the place. meanwhile they’re still occupying MY space rent-free, patrolling and interrogating every thought that comes through, judging each and every, pointing out what’s wrong and assigning guilt by the truckload despite being told to get the hell out hundreds of times daily! how am i supposed to heal with these parasites running rampant through the scrambled mess of neurons? it’s just that they’re so comfy there i guess; they’ve called my mind home for nearly half a century now. i’m the hostess and i need to insist they get out and start paying what they owe, but how? in order to finally get past all of this, i believe it’s necessary for me to confront the nazi installer but there is a teensy logistical problem: he always travels with his ceaselessly chattering shield and the two of them have fused into a giant monstrous outshouting thing that i have named the dadula. the dadula will not let me utter one sentence to it’s natural completion. so how are you supposed to say your healing piece to someone who no longer permits you to speak? it’s one thing to know it falls on deaf ears but at least the words are out there. but what if even the words are caged? of course i could seek the help of a mental health professional but there’s a teensy logistical problem there too: i have no job so no insurance. (the fact that the old half of the dadula obliterated my ability to sustain any job in which there is any interaction with people seems to be an inconsequential bit of trivia.) so i guess i’ll just have to get real and stop imagining that i’m entitled to mental health.

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