my awakening consciousness

monday – best day yet!

Filed under: daylilies — waterlily at 5:50 pm on Wednesday, December 5, 2007

monday (as i’m writing this, it’s wednesday) was the closest i’ve felt to “normal” in a long time and closest i’ve felt to human since i took my last dose of elavil. only a very slight headache, surprising amount of energy, normal appetite, no nausea and best of all, the depression fog most definitely lifting! i cleaned the whole apartment; a superhuman feat by itself. i live in a tiny apartment with two cats and a hubby who is working all the time and i’ve been severely depressed for about a year and a half. not to mention the fact we live near a busy street so five minutes after you dust, it looks like you’ve never ever dusted. we live in a warm humid climate so the cats shed more and you practically have to take out a loan to do a load of laundry in this place so…need i say more? i wash my underwear and t-shirts in a bucket in the shower! (it’s florida, i live in thin 100% cotton) monday was a little step into the light again, the apartment all squeaky clean and smelling of fresh lemons and me tired at the end of the day from natural stuff like work and fresh air and not from side effects or long periods of sustained terror! maybe, just maybe there is hope for something other than drudgery and pain for the rest of my life. i just need to break out of this isolation. a lot of days, i’m afraid to make simple phone calls. i’m just going to be thankful for the good stuff for now though.

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